


Jar

by fugacior (orphan_account)



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Gen, Teikou Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-01
Updated: 2014-04-01
Packaged: 2018-01-17 19:29:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1399711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/fugacior
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Also known as: How To Raise Funds and Control Your Teammates At the Same Time, courtesy to Akashi Seijuurou.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Jar

It all begins from the theory of waste management.

In order to maintain the sanitation and cleanliness, there are alternative ways. One of which we always know is through recycling, an act of creating something new from something that has been used, especially from a thing which is formerly hazardous. By recycling, the produced waste can be made into something beneficial so that it won't take a long-lasting period to degrade as well as to help the environment clean. Known examples are fertilizers made out of animal feces, arts and other functional objects made out of non-degradable materials, etc. It also helps preventing waste on potentially useful materials as well as to reduce consumption of fresh raw materials.

To Akashi Seijuurou, this doesn't only apply biologically and ecologically.

His recent concerns of his teammates' behavior pushes him into looking for an effective way to settle things onto his standards upon their attitudes. There are some financial distresses on the basketball club either, as this impacts on the quality of the gym infrastructure and other additional features, thus resulting in disability of efficiently providing the place to channel basketball training well. In short: his main problems are how to raise funds in order to help rebuild some parts of the school (specifically for the sake of the basketball club) and how to control his so-called Generation of Miracle teammates.

And he knows exactly what he should do.

**.**

One day, before they commence their regular training, Akashi brings a large-sized jar and gathers his teammates out into the center.

"Do you all know what this is?"

None of them responds. Kise gazes meaningfully at the object, Midorima questions what kind of thing will Akashi do with it, Aomine seems to have lost interest in anything at the moment, Murasakibara stares at the glass-like cylinder while munching wafers, and Kuroko is the only person who immediately asks the heterochromatic-eyed captain, "I don't know what is this for, Akashi-kun. Can you tell us?"

"Very well, then," he answers. "You all know the trouble goes on recently in the case of this school's infrastructures, as it needs upgrades. Also, issues mattering your attitude here in the club are included as well as one of my concerns. I have taken a precaution for both... by using this."

"What the hell?" Aomine blurts. "What are you gonna do with this thing, anyway?"

"This goes simple," Akashi continues before he starts explaining. "Each and every one of you must pay cash in the minimum rate of 1000 yen every time you say or do anything I consider a disturbance of behaving in the club. I have listed at least one foul feature of every one of you, and this means if you cannot control your demeanor well, I'm afraid you will be losing a large sum of cash by the end of the day."

"Ehhhh?! But, but Akashicchi—!" Kise whines. "This is totally unfair! How could you do this to us?!"

"In addition, it is obliged to pay it in cash. No replacements, as this includes any objects, edible or not, which has the same value of at least 1000 yen," Akashi adds. "Some actions may worth more than 1000 yen depending on the level, and I will be the one who determines the infractions you should pay."

 _This is inexplicable_ , Midorima grunts.  _How could he think of such a method as low as blackmailing to help raising funds for the school?_

"And last but not least, 100% of the money will be under the control of my regulations as a captain. Any one of you who tries to sabotage or takes the jar along with the money will be given a very severe punishment, as this also applies if you defy the regulations of paying the incurred infraction. If you were unable to pay, I will force you to go home and take your money from wherever you keep it safe or to the bank using your saving accounts," Akashi concludes. "Any questions?"

"Mouu, Aka-chin breaks our wallets," Murasakibara complains. "At least I don't have to pay it with food."

"Are you trying to make us poor, Akashi?!" Aomine protests. "Why don't _you_ pay instead since you're so filthy rich?!"

"This, of course, doesn't apply for me, Daiki, since I have nothing to be incurred for paying in the jar. I am the one who commences the idea, thus absolute from the rules applied."

"For how long do we have to do this?" Midorima asks hesitantly. "I mean, we couldn't afford to do this for the rest of our Junior High..."

Hearing that, the captain couldn't hold back his signature devilish smile.

"Let's just see how it goes, shall we?"

**.**

**Kise**

"Alright, two-minute break!"

The spur of the training keeps intensifying as time passes, but the significance increase of the players' abilities haven't reached the target yet. Before the blond could grab a bottle of water, suddenly it is alread by the hands of a certain shorter fellow who has his other hand opened in front of him as if he were offering naught.

"3000 yen, Ryouta," he sternly speaks, to which Kise groans in frustration, "Why so much, Akashicchi? I am not an ATM!"

"You have violated the proposition which incurs you paying an infraction worth for the jar, the one which involves your slight lack of focus on the game whenever girls come to watch you," he says. "In addition, the reason behind your five minute absence from the last training is unaccountable—spending your time looking for Tetsuya as a decoy to conceal your single status from fangirls is not an exception. You know that he has been in the gym all along."

"Akashicchi—"

"Also, the use female belongings only applied to Satsuki. No use of make-up are allowed in the gym, so that makes it three thousand yen," Akashi adds sternly. "No buts, Ryouta, or I will have to give you more laps to run instead of only paying me cash."

"B-but, still—"

Akashi doesn't object to hear him as he leans closer to the blond, while Kise gapes for awhile until he quietly finishes his sentence,

"—I can't help it that I'm so popular."

.

.

.

The redhead couldn't help but grimace, as Kise himself smiles and nervously sweats.

"Make it 5000 yen."

"EHHHHH?!"

**.**

**Midorima**

If it weren't for a lucky item, Midorima's arrival wouldn't be so extravagant. In a special exception, his looks don't matter, but there will be something inexplicable worth paying for.

The green-haired male is at his usual jersey attire without any additional unusual accessories, such as helmets or fancy glasses. He doesn't bring any small statues, dolls, or animal-shaped things, as he tells everyone the lucky item for Cancer today is a radio. Per usual, there is not an understandable explanation behind the meaning of the lucky items for that day, or that is a mere excuse for him to be normal, nobody knows. Still, Midorima is glad enough he doesn't have to send a larger infraction to the jar since the item is considered adequately normal to be accepted under Akashi's standards, though he is obliged to pay when he asks permission to the redhead if he could play it when the game starts (in order for the lucky item to work, of course).

Meanwhile, Momoi is in charge of the radio, as she is instructed by Midorima to immediately press the play button as the game is commenced. When the moment comes, she does what has been told to her, only to hear the sound of the screeching country-like hillbilly violins and an odd thumping beat.

_If it hadn't been for Cotton-Eye Joe_  
 _I'd been married long time ago_  
 _Where did you come from, where did you go?_  
 _Where did you come from, Cotton-Eye Joe?_

Everyone tries so hard to concentrate on the game, but when the song starts, they couldn't hold their expressions straight. At the side of the gym court, Momoi covers her hand as she sounds stifling from the gap of her fingers. Kise and Aomine lose their paces, as their passes and shoots begin to decrease its accuracy. Murasakibara grins, while Midorima himself blushes over the others' reaction. And as for Akashi...

"Shintarou."

He calls the game to a break, then points over to the large jar which has been filled with cash for nearly one-fifth of it. "You know what to do, right?"

As Kise and Aomine laugh over him while mockingly doing a line-dance to the music (but it doesn't last long as Akashi immediately threatens them, "Do you want to give your contribution to the jar as well?"), Midorima gulps. He feels dissatisfied, even after he takes out two one-thousand yen bills from his wallet and puts them onto the jar. He then turns the radio off, and the banjos and fiddles are no longer heard in the Teikou gym.

_My luck is over for today._

**.**

**Aomine**

Aomine wouldn't be Aomine if he hadn't broken the rules.

"So far, you're the one pays the most out of everyone," Akashi tells him adamantly. "You have been skipping practice twice, bringing perverse magazines, and discreetly stealing some of the money from the jar for an amount no more than 10,000 yen, so you need to pay 20,000."

"THAT IS A LOT OF MONEY! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO PAY THAT MUCH?!"

Poor Aomine. His wallet contains no more than the amount given to him, and if he loses all of it, that means he won't be getting himself food later and he would starve. Sure, he could ask his friends to pay for him later, but then he has to pay the debt back, and he is not feeling like it. In addition, he steals the money so that he could make Akashi think that he can pay without a problem whenever he doesn't feel like following the rules.

"Can't we just postpone the payment?" he huffs.

"Rules are rules, Daiki. You should find a way how to pay for the amount of infraction worth for your misbehavior." Akashi states.

"Can't you make it any lower?"

"My decision is ultimate, and no attempt of bargain is allowed. It cannot go any lower, but it can go any higher if you want."

"WHO SAYS I WANT TO MAKE IT HIGHER?!"

"I'll be waiting for five more minutes, Daiki. If you failed to pay, then I have no choice."

He remains seated but couldn't think of a way to get 20,000 yen to be paid. It takes him more than five minutes—though, when Akashi decides to leave him behind, the tanned male beams. Does this mean he doesn't have to pay for it? Is this a special exception made just for him? It doesn't matter, as long as he doesn't have to pay, and that means he's fine.

Midorima and Kise stare at him disbelief, while Aomine could only stick his tongue out. "Beat that, losers!" he ridicules them, to which Kise wails and Midorima berates him for being a cheating bastard.

Suddenly, Akashi arrives bringing very large scissors. The handles are blood red, as he points the sharp edge right between Aomine's navy blue eyes and commences his ultimatum, "I'm gonna ask this for one last time, Daiki. Do you want to pay or not?"

.

.

.

The response to Akashi's question is a quick scamper from the gym while dragging Momoi behind, even his footsteps through the hallways are heard.

"I'M GONNA GO TO THE BANK FIRST!"

**.**

**Murasakibara**

Murasakibara has been caught eating sweets again when Akashi told him not to, but he doesn't care. When he feels a presence approaching him near, he doesn't like it. It must be the captain, and he will ask him to pay for the jar again. He grabs a marshmallow from the package and chews it as Akashi stands right before him, but he doesn't feel threatened at all.

"Atsushi," Akashi says. "I know that you wouldn't like it, but this has been the fifth time you have eaten sweets over the amount I have told you. I need you to pay 5000 for the jar."

"Aka-chin is no fun," Murasakibara sighs. "I want to use that money later to buy me some more candies. There is one I would like to taste and it's limited edition, and it will cost me 5000 yen."

"Back then, if you didn't get caught eating, then you would be able to pay for the candy. Right now, it's your obligation to pay the jar for not fixing your behavior."

"I don't want to. Go away."

The center player turns his back away against Akashi, leaving him unable to confront him for awhile. Murasakibara is disturbed, and he doesn't like it when someone disturbed him, especially when he is eating sweets. He gives damn for the rules no more, but a small part of him is glad he doesn't have to sacrifice his sweets for the jar. He is about to finish the last pieces of the candy, when suddenly Akashi is facing him, saying, "How about this, Atsushi. I'm going to treat you for your limited edition candy, but first you will have to pay for the jar. What do you say?"

"... Okay."

He takes out the money from his wallet and hands it over to Akashi, to which the redhead replies it with a 'thank you' before putting the money to the jar while Murasakibara keeps preoccupying himself with his food. Meanwhile, Kise, Aomine, and Midorima stare at the sight in bewilderment as their minds simultaneously shout,

_This went so easily with bribery!_

**.**

**Kuroko**

One day, Kuroko has been missing for nearly the whole practice.

Everyone has been looking for him everywhere. He hasn't showed up from the beginning, and until the end, his presence is nowhere to be found. As the practice is almost over, not one has managed to see him, and this has made everyone even more worried.

"I wonder where Kurokocchi went off to?" Kise wonders.

"Did Kuroko tell any of us if he decided to go outside?" Midorima asks to the rest. "It seems that he is supposed to stay here all along."

"That troublesome ghoul. I told him not to wander off," Aomine mutters.

Everyone calls out his name, but they don't hear an answer. Before they decide to search for the phantom sixth man outside the gym area, suddenly the electric goes off and lights are immediately shut down. The frenzy has become unbearable, and most of them starts panicking.

"UWAAAAH!! IT'S SO DARK IN HERE!"

"Shut up, Kise. You're annoyingly loud."

"Eh? I can't see my candies anywhere..."

"YOU'RE STILL THINKING ABOUT CANDIES WHEN THE LIGHTS ARE OFF?!"

"All of you, please keep your voices low."

At least, Akashi is the only person who is conscious of his position. From where he stands, if he walked at least a few meters in the direction of nearly 30 degrees, he could find a flashlight and in that way, he could stop his teammates from making such boisterous noises. He inhales deeply, then slowly steps once, twice forward as he follows the map created from inside his mind. He goes forward and it won't take him long before he could finally reach for the flashlight—

_Click._

"I have found this. No need to worry, everyone."

.

.

.

"KUROKOCCHIIIIII! YOU SCARED ME TO DEATH!"

"SINCE WHEN YOU'RE ALREADY THERE WITH A FLASHLIGHT, TETSU?!"

As Kise and Aomine are the only two people shouting when Kuroko appears out of nowhere having the light shines from underneath his face, Midorima is taken aback, but he feels choked and is unable to reprimand the shorter boy furthermore for nearly giving him a heart attack. Murasakibara lifts his head up, and when he sees Kuroko, he shrugs while commenting lightly, "Kuro-chin looks like a psychopath." And as for Akashi...

"Tetsuya."

"Yes, Akashi-kun?"

"... Jar, please."

Without further ado, Kuroko walks towards the direction of the jar and puts a bill in it. Oddly, the lights are already turned on back again, as everyone sighs gladly (while they begin to pester Kuroko for scaring them with the flashlight effect beforehand) and the day ends well.

"See, this what happens if you follow the rules," Akashi concludes while tapping his fingers upon the jar's lid, much to his teammates' dismay.

_It's as if the curse upon us were from the jar!_

**.**

**_Omake_ **

Three months have passed and the amount of money placed upon the jar has been growing rapid.

Even though everyone hates it when they have to pay, but they have prepared the cash in case anything happens, anyway. Moreover, no one no longer fusses about it either, as if they were fine with it, much to Akashi's surprise. Even for Aomine, who constantly breaks the rules, resulting him to pay twice more than everyone every time training begins. If he wanted to skip practice, usually he asks Momoi to pay for the jar (despite occasionally having a large sum of debts to several people only for the jar). Kise, who at first complains of the jar, lately gives no argument by the time he needs to pay—he is, in fact, takes pride in it, since "fame has its own price" as the jar nearly has no effect upon him. Midorima, a person who stays true to his integrity as a Cancerian, doesn't resist if he has to spend at least five thousand a day just to keep his lucky item by his side. All that Murasakibara needs is a treat of his favorite candy, and he has no hesitation to pay. Kuroko does this only to satisfy Akashi.

The moment where the money has been gathered has finally arrived.

"Everyone, I would like to thank you for your contribution," Akashi gives a word. "As I would like to say, Teikou wouldn't be more victorious if it weren't for us, and if it weren't for me who started this idea. Soon, the school repair will be finished and your hard works are really appreciated, but I would like to announce something first." 

Akashi clears his throat as everyone waits. He then speaks, "Apparently, my father has prepared a large sum of money to help the funds for the school, so the problem has been already solved. But, in any case, I still thank you for repaying me with all the money that you have gathered for the past few months. At least, the sum of the money in the jar is quite larger than what my father has given to this school, so once again, you all have done well with your duties and responsibilities as fellow Teikou students. Now, if you excuse me."

And with that, the captain leaves the gym with the jar, leaving everyone speechless and perplexed. It takes them ten seconds before they burst out to get Akashi in an unbearable amount of anger and disbelief (minus Kuroko and Momoi).

"AKASHI, YOU SLY BASTARD!"

"GIVE ME BACK MY MONEY, AKASHICCHI!"

"I HAVE SACRIFICED MY CASH ALL FOR NOTHING?!"

And that is another so-called normal Tuesday in Teikou Junior High Basketball Club.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired from the Douchebag Jar, which was derived from the infamous Swear Jar. Midorima's song entitled Cotton Eye Joe by Rednex. I'm thinking that maybe I could write what if the jar also applies in Seirin, but I don't know if it's a good idea. wdyt?


End file.
